Sunday, March 11

Interview Blues

The caffeine made her perky and she knew she was at her best when she was perky. They had said make sure you don't have coffee breath. She popped some gum into her mouth while walking from breakfast to her first interview. Last minute panic-induced attempt to rid herself of the gum had left a potted plant a little richer by one chewed up wad of Wrigley's. Keep your handshake firm and dry, they'd said. She made sure that her hand wasn't limp in theirs. You don't want them to feel like someone's handed them a dead slab of fish. Keep your back straight, you don't want to look like a slouch, they'd said. She sat so erect that she thought her spinal cord would snap. Look relaxed and happy they'd said. Her jaws were aching from smiling already. Don't talk too fast. The goras won't understand, they'd said. She enunciated clearly and didn't use any slang. Look interested in what they say and ask intelligent questions if you have any, they'd said. She'd concentrated like she'd never concentrated before. Her head was aching, her hands were trembling from nervousness, her back was aching but she asked intelligent questions. It was almost over. The home stretch. Everyone seemed happy. The boss-man stood up, shook her hand, saying "We think you'd be a productive addition to our department. We look forward to seeing you again. If you have any questions, just ask Gus." It was over. Her knees went weak. She smiled like she meant it for the first time that morning. "Hop on the bus, Gus.", she quipped, witty with relief. The boss-man looked bewildered. "Excuse me?" he smiled in anticipation of elucidation. "Fifty ways to leave your lover", she clarified, chuckling a little, residually.

The door closed behind her softly. The last ten minutes will always get you, they'd said.

18 comments:

Szerelem said...

omg....I am graduating this term and have all these job interviews and I can SO relate to this.

And why am I time warp?!

Princess Stefania said...

Horrors!
Reminds me of my first interview with the principal of the college I'd applied to.
My phone rang twice, I sneezed all the way through, and I forgot his name.
:(
But I got in, anyway.

Revealed said...

@szerelem: Hehehe. I had a weekend of interviews myself. Not much fun. But they're all nice about it. I think they expect applicants to be a little half-witted anyway :D

Cos when I'm over at your place I seem to inexplicably lose hours from my life :D

@PS: LOL!! I went to an interview where everytime I said something mildly amusing, the prof kept saying that's so funny!!! He didn't even crack a smile. Was the weirdest thing.

Anonymous said...

Poor thing!
I think she's had too many people giving her too many "do's n dont's", Flaffy!
I sympathize :)

Cloudy said...

Awww... is this fiction, or is this not? Something mid-way is what I'm guessing. Sorry for being so dense. Just discovered that the coffee I just had was de-caf...

PS: But not so dense as to forget to claim FIRST :-)

Revealed said...

@BM: isn't that the truth!!!! All sympathies accepted with lotsa gratitude :D (cos we're suckers for sympathy :P)

@Cloudy: Yeah. The first part was all true. I just didnt say 'Hop on the bus, Gus', though I was tempted to not only say it, but also sing it :P. Condolences on the coffee

Cloudy said...

Many sympathies dear... their loss will be another's gain, very soon, I'm sure :)

I know -- about Gus -- I'd have been tempted to sing it too!

OK, another thing I don't get. How do you know this anonymous is 'BM'?

Revealed said...

Actually I just reread it. And almost none of it is true (which is why i classified it as Chronicles and not Curried, i suppose :P). The only true part was the guy telling me to mail Gus and the words of '50 ways...' running through my head all the rest of the day :P.

Sympathies will be in order in a while I think, but not yet :D. They haven't yet made a final decision :).
(this of course doesn't prevent me from accepting all the sympathies greedily :P).

Anony-BM story: Best bud :D. One of mine, I mean :)

Nath said...

I don't mind the in-person interviews; it's the phone calls that kill me. Phone interviewers always manage to call me either when I'm asleep in bed with the flu, or just after I've run up several flights of stairs.

Revealed said...

@nath: LOL! And you're huffing and puffing, and pretending ur not huffing and puffing which makes you sound like a fish out of water :). I know what you mean. The in-person interviews have their own peculiar horrors, though. For one you can't pace while talking :)

Kaushik Gopalan said...

Cloudy,

I was wondering about the BM thing as well. As far as I can make out, it is a cryptic code where every 27th letter is 'm' and every 6th word has its 3rd letter as a 'd'

Revealed said...

@kg: Some people actually work and don't spend their time counting letters in words! Of course I don't know any of those people and can't even imagine how awful their lives must be. But still!

Heh Heh said...

you know what, if i ran into a Gus, that would be the first thing I would say. It's bizarre. The other day I ran into this guy called Kenneth - and you can only imagine the song that was playing in my head the whole while.

Anonymous said...

Well the anon could be me too...

Anyway talking about interviews did you wear a saree? :P

Anonymous said...

@heh heh : funny you mention that..assuming you are thinking what I am thinking I remember making a bad quip at one of the colleagues who was named such " So hope our wavelengths match eh? "

Yeah it fell flat.

Such is life .

Anonymous said...

@heh heh: Was he wearing a shirt of violent green? I always wanted to meet a Kenneth who did that. I would have such a field day :P

@anon: Funny about the sari! And no, it can't be you :D. It's all in the ESP ;)

-Revealed

wiseling said...

@revealed: this does not do much to quell my nervousness for upcoming interview... i can be a total flake.

Revealed said...

No no. See what I told szerelem.