Sunday, April 8

The Ultimate Quest (or Meet Shane)

Recently it was gently suggested to me that I was taking myself too seriously. In my defense I present the Gay Theory or the Theory of Why Women Keep Banging Against the Brick Wall of Man's Idiotic Inability to Provide Any of the Things Women Need. When people realize that this in effect was what was occupying my brainspace I believe that I shall be excused from the charge of hyper-seriosity.

Now, some of you might know that I do not consider posting pictures of hot people on a blog the ideal method of increasing readership. However, in this case I've made an exception simply as added evidence for my theory. Really! Only cos of the evidence factor. Tsk, this whole not believing me thing, I do *not* appreciate.

That's Shane. Is she hotttttt or what? One of my girlfriends and I were talking about her and we both agreed she was perfectly delicious. I hasten to add that neither of us normally display lesbian tendencies (mainly cos well when it comes right down to it, you have to face the fact that though you can't live with guys, you definitely can't live without 'em - for reasons that will be expounded on below). And neither of us has ever called another girl delicious. Pretty yeah, beautiful quite a few times, interesting well you know what that means, ugly oh yeah, but never delicious. Ruminating about this peculiarity we came to the conclusion that there's a hidden lesbian in every female. Being mggs (yeah, she's one too) we quickly devised an experiment that would prove our theory. Being relatively practical human beings (read not insane fanatics) we also came to the conclusion that the experiment would probably never be carried out. Not, you understand, because it would be cruel to take a bunch of infants and grow them in isolation for 25 years and then let them interact with each other to see which way their sexual leanings lie but simply because of time constraints and the availabilty (or lack thereof) of specimens. At this point it is appropriate, we believe, to present the seminal work of Travis in their celebrated publication, Flowers in the Window.

Being thwarted of our interesting experiment, we decided to extend out theory to it's logical conclusion. It seems to us that there's nothing women get from men (other than the obvious) which cannot be provided by women in a much nicer fashion. Women talk, men are constitutionally incapable of listening; women shop for the sake of shopping, men shop in order to get something they need (the idea!!!); women like the sensuality of touch, the feel of skin on skin, the warmth of closeness, men well, for them it's basically a means to an end. The list of unfounded generalizations and blatant sexualisms I can produce is hypothetically endless and detracts from the main point. Which is the question : What would be simpler than for women to seek out what they need from people who can actually provide it, rather than continually and fruitlessly hope to find it in a section of the population that has repeatedly exposed its inability to supply the demand? Obviously the answer lies in the selfish gene and any living being's helpless need to procreate.

So we figure (my girlfriend and I) that if an alternate source for sperm was found, men would become totally defunct and extinct within our lifetimes. While the solution postulated by Travis et al is interesting it doesn't serve the purpose because of one grave failing namely, exhaustability of the resource due to eventual mortality. Besides, we would much rather not be cruel to anyone (women are the gentler sex, after all).

Men, as a wise woman once said (I'm sure some wise woman said it somewhere, or if she hasn't it's about time someone did), are for the birds. The search for an alternative, ladies and gentlemen, is on. Any ideas?

Note: We already thought of sperm banks and such like, but obviously it's again an exhaustible resource and once men disappear where will that leave us? We are *nothing* if not provident.


Confused & Baffled said...

i hasten to correct. you are *nothing* but absolutely frigging crazy. perhaps it was time you stepped out of the labs missy. chromosome tails and unknown chemical x solutions should not surround you so much as they seem to do.

Inspissated Gloom said...

Nice post, flaffy! But methinks that Shane of yours isn't "hotttttt"! :-|

& Men are for the birds?
Now, why does that sound a lot more interesting?:p Maybe cause almost every kind I know, can chirp (read sing) for you unlike *some* who think they can't sing for peanuts!? & Most of them give me a call with celestial precision that even Einstein would've been proud of - Am Sure He Was!! (Maybe if he'd lived longer he would've married a bird eventually) ;)

Anonymous said...

Someone heard of people holding umbrellas when they're chest-deep in water? :-?

Anonymous said...

A fricassee of stale ideas I've heard a lot of in all these years! And yet the disinterest of people extraordinaire to go through all this trouble over again! :)

Sunshine said...

If an alternate source for sperm was found, men would become totally defunct and extinct within our lifetimes - That wd be very nice.. He he he ;-D (Evil grin - borrowed from you)

Szerelem said...

I second ispissated gllom. I don't think Shane is hot either!
And there are so many delicious women....*thinks Salma Hayek, for one*

But I like the idea of men being redundant *evi grin*

Revealed said...

@c&b: You are the third person to tell me that in as many days :). Perhaps it *is* time I stepped outta the lab. Sigh. But this seemed very logical to me, why the crazy allusion?

@BM: Ty. Below the belt *frowns in indignation*. Some people can't sing for peanuts and realizing their inadequacies try to be sensitive towards other people's eardrums. Nuf said!

@TMWWT: I haven't heard of these umbrella holding chest deep in water people. :) You associate with the weirdest types :). As to your second comment, I won't even try to understand it, it seems to suggest that I have stale ideas, so I'm ignoring it graciously :).

@SS: *notices the evil grin and nods in recognition* Hehehe.

@Szerelem: Shane isn't hot???? Awww man. I can't believe you said that. N Salma Hayek, no no. Not delish. Delish is not a word to be used lightly y'know.
More redundance appreciation, I see :) *wonders why everyone is snatching away her evil grin*

Confused & Baffled said...

i think shane is hot myself. so is salma hayek though, szerelem. i dont discriminate between beautiful women.

and seems logical does it? what you're saying qualifies you to the next inevitable level of your profession. that of mad scientist. my congratulations. and may you batman get you soon.

Szerelem said...

Ooops didn't notice the evil grin thread. Sorry for snatching it away :P

And really, Salma Hayek not delish?? I *really* like her :D
Is there any woman you would use delicious for?

(Oh I really like Rachel Weisz too)

Revealed said...

@c&b: You show good taste, little twerp *nods approvingly with a gleam in her ancient eyes*

May my batman get me, it seems. Goodness!!! As I had occasion to mark earlier elsewhere, the frivolity of youth disappoints us.

@szerelem: Salma is attractive I'll admit but not delish. Delish has definite connotations :D. I think Shane's delish as I pointed out in the post :). Rachel Weisz is I think delicately pretty, again not delish.

someone from Mars said...

so u females need men for sperm only what for "sensuality of touch, the feel of skin on skin, the warmth of closeness"..ah, sorry somehow just forgot the "hidden lesbian in every female"..

so why u ladies then need sperm anyway?
for an year of maternity leave or the child after that?
if its the 2nd case then wait for 50 more years so that 'men' develop the perfect cloning process then you ladies can use it. and if its the first case then some fake pregnancy operation may help..i donno if its possible now but then what are men there for..give them the task n they will develop the process in 5-10 years then say goodbye to them..

Revealed said...

@martian: Neither the maternity leave nor the kid, but simply cos of the insistence of the selfish gene :).

Till 'men' (y are they in air quotes btw) come up with the necessary, us poor hapless helpless females will just have to wait with bated breath :).

Princess Stefania said...

But who's going to carry our heavy shopping bags when our favourite shopping stores have their mega sales?
Let's not write them off completely. As yet.

Revealed said...

@ps: Wise words indeed :)

Obi Wan said...

I'm back, was away a bit too long this time :-)

You are not going to believe this, but I have been preching the 'hidden lesbian in every woman' theory for a long time now, but people just refuse to take it seriously! Will not comment on the 'no need for men' bit, since I hold similar views about women :-)

May the Force be with you!

Obi Wan said...

And btw, I don't find Shane hot at all, too anorexic methinks :-)

Revealed said...

@Obi: Heyyyyyyyyyy :). Welcome back!! Was wondering where you were :).