Monday, February 19

Choices

"Amma, remember how, whenever we went to a restaurant for dinner I would always insist on chocolate mousse for dinnerdessert? Remember? And everytime you'd say, "But kanna, if you never try any other kind how can you know that this is your favourite? You have to try everything at least once, da." I never listened then. It didn't make sense. Or maybe it made too much sense. I was only 5. But amma, now I understand. Now, I think of all the tattoos I never got etched on my skin, the lost testaments to idiocy, all the clothes I never bought because they made me look fat, or they weren't my colour. Now, All the places I never visited because they were too far away, or too noisy, or too dusty.

I seized my second chance, amma. To redeem myself. A second chance for that 5 year old mousse-worshipping kid to grow into someone who isn't scared to grab opportunities by the scruff of the neck and shake the newness out of them. Someone who can order tiramasu and gulp it down without a flinch. Can you imagine, amma? This new me? I'm glad I carpe-ed the diem (see, I've even learnt foreign expressions). You would be proud of me.

Would I be less worthy of that pride if I confessed, amma? Don't despise me, but sometimes I worry. And I wish I could ask you what you think. Did I do the right thing? Because he is married. I think of the other 5 year old girl. His daughter. What would she think of me? But, no. As a far more confused man than me said, that way madness lies. I know I did the right thing. I'm experiencing life, like you always wanted me to and it's turning out to be like nothing I ever imagined. So I'm happy. I must be. Even you would say so if you saw me now.

But one thing, amma. I've tried strudels, sorbets, cointreau melts, caramelized fruits in alcoholic concoctions, meringues, pandan rice cake even. I liked them all but I still like chocolate mousse the best.
"

Apology: So many dashed typos! This is what happens when you type a post out in 15 minutes when you actually ought to be doing something else *hangs head in shame*.

20 comments:

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

beautiful. "Flaff" does not do justice to posts like these. (then there are others ;) )

Revealed said...

Hehehe. You gotsta keep them guessing ;)

Anonymous said...

ok I didnt get this either...
it's almost as if I am reading a totally different blog...
btw did it have a tinge of your childhood? if so I wouldvreally like to know roughly 21-23 yrs back where the hell did you get Choclate Mousse in chennai???
The implicit assumptions being err..implicit.
-TMWWT

Revealed said...

@tmwwt: Hehehehe. A totally different blog huh? Problem with schizophrenics :P. What didn't you get though???!!!! It's about a girl whose having an affair with a guy with a 5 year old daughter and who's trying really hard to justify it to herself so that she can live with the person she's become. Capisce?

Revealed said...

who's not whose! Sheesh. Typos out to get me today!

Revealed said...

And it's less than 21-23 years :P. So mebbe there *was* chocolate mousse around in chennai then ;)

MockTurtle said...

Your best post till date - without question.
Happy to see another side of yours.
All the best and keep on experimenting. You live only once.
-MT

Revealed said...

@mt: Means a lot. Thank you.

Sunshine said...

Good post Revealed :-) sometimes I get confused - Is it all imagination? Is there some truth in any of it? Hmm..(Looking very 'lost in thoughts') Me first, BTW.

sraiyan said...

From what I understood it was about a girl who like chocolate mousse even after she tried many things so....even if u try new things u'll stil like the old ones?

Anonymous said...

Oh yes sure I got the gist( but ofcourse!) but somehow seemed like the protagonist in question was trying to convince herself using illogic and non sequiturs. I mean people do that everyday!!!

oh well...maybe it's just me..:)

Revealed said...

@ss: Hehehe.

@Sraiyan: Heh. That's a very neat observation, popsy :D

@TMWWT: Of *course* she's trying to convince herself with illogical non sequiturs. *sigh* you really know nothing about women, do u? Y'know what the problem is, right? You're an over analyzer (prolly cos ur virgo) and my posts aren't supposed to be analyzed..fundamental orthogonality right there :P

Anonymous said...

"....*sigh* you really know nothing about women, do u? Y'know what the problem is, right? You're an over analyzer"


there in a nutshell the reason of my non existing romantic life....needless to say you arent the first f. of the s. to say that...:|
Maybe i should have taken refuge in the "It's a classic!" :P

Revealed said...

@tmwwt: Much empathy comes :D. 'It's a classic' is a last refuge type thing. Not to be overused! :P

Anonymous said...

Ah! Now I guess I should raise my eyebrows and keep wondering "why" it is the last refuge thing....

You know at this rate I can see grey cells going to atrophy and me becoming a yes man....anyway I wonder can one analyse about not analysing? :|

Revealed said...

Hehehe. Atrophied grey cells are the best kind doncha know :D. (also once they atrophy this blog will start making sense to you, think of all the advantages!). And you can *totally* analyse about analysing. In fact you being you, you positively *have* to. I insist :D.

They're last refuge cos I'm fully capable of hounding you once you say it until I shake the real opinion outta u. Is that 10 grey cells you owe me now? ;)

Anonymous said...

10 grey cells? I dont know..but guess adopting this for life would work .."You are right! whatever you say hon!"

wiseling said...

My vocabulary confines me. This is a beautiful post. Disturbing and very touching at the same time.

Revealed said...

@wiseling: Never let your vocabulary confine u :P. If you can't think of the right word, make it up ;). But ty :).

maya said...

Oh i think its awesome........
POUB!and a hug:)seems like u plucked thots out of my mind !xcept seemed like an epitaph to ur mom !